I’m gay. There I finally said it and it just feels so much better.
I just wanted to get it out :)
I honestly regret opening my mouth.
So I’m a gay 16 year old Australian male, and I’m still not fully out. So far, four people know. My best friend (A), my close friend (came out to her first. Lets call her ‘T’) then there’s my other close friend (M) and she was heaps accepting. My crush’s name also starts with M… So I’ll refer to him as ‘crush’ or something akin to that.
So, some back story. I had know my crush for at least seven or so years, and nothing ever really challenged our friendship, we were INCREDIBLY close.
Anyway, I developed feelings for him about two years ago (I had known I was gay for three) and basically they grew in intensity and I couldn’t really ignore them, so I wrote him a note on my phone, showed him (while on the verge of just breaking down). He read it, looked at me, said ‘well this is awkward’ and how he ‘wouldn’t tell anyone’ but we just stopped talking.
I screwed over the ONE good relationship I had, and we haven’t talked since. I’ve been having some darker thoughts as of recent, and quite frankly I miss him way too much.
It physically hurts to be around him, which is quite often. And I don’t know how much longer I can go on for…
I really wish I never opened my stupid mouth…
I just really needed to get that out, so… Yeah.
I’ve only come out to one person before but it already feels like I’ve done it a million times over, because it was just that hard for me to come out to myself, something I struggled with every day from the time I was 10 to now that I’m 17. This last year a friend of mine came out to me, and confided in me that she was slowly coming out to other people, too.
And I was happy for her, I really was. But the every time she gushed to me about how well so and so was taking it, I felt like I was going to cry because nobody knew my secret, the secret I swore to take to my grave on my 11th birthday when I was still firmly in denial and praying nightly to God or whatever Thing was out there and possibly watching over me. Maybe I was praying to myself.
I ended up telling her over a text message because I was scared shitless to say it in person. I stuttered every time I tried to bring it up and my heart pounded so hard I started to worry about my health. She told me she was glad I told her, and I went home and cried because I wasn’t sure if I regretted telling her or not, and I’m still not sure. I never asked to be different and every day I have to remind myself that I’m not alone and I’ll never be alone and it’s okay to struggle with my identity as long as I’m happy in the end. I want to come out to more people, but I’m still getting over the shock of having someone accept me even when I can’t accept myself.
Sometimes love can be found in the last place you look.
I am a female in college. In my life I questioned if I liked girls a few times, but Cosmo convinced me that I just wanted to be the woman, not be with the woman. So I threw the thought away and never looked back. Until this year. I dreamed of becoming best friends with a boy and falling in love, but never had any luck with guys. One night I was cuddling with my best friend as we watched a movie. A girl I met in college, we had been each others’ best friend for a year. We’re both very religious and very straight (or so we thought..). As I’m sure you’ve already deduced, the cuddling that night had so much tension and…chemistry. I left feeling confused and when she brought it up I denied that it meant anything. This went on for a while, each of us going back and forth with it, not wanting to ruin our perfect friendship and not knowing if homosexuality was our thing. Over Christmas break I decided to take the time away from her to make up my mind once and for all. And I decided it was ridiculous. But then I came back to school, and I saw her again. And we both just knew that it wasn’t over. We started dating after about a month of figuring out how we wanted to go about our feelings. Now it has been four months, and we’ve never been happier. And I got my cheesy love story I always dreamed of, but in a way I never imagined. :)
On a sadder note, although I really don’t care what other people think about my sexuality (if they aren’t cool with it, I wouldn’t want to know them anyway), it is a different story with family. My father, as cool and fun as he is, is really close minded about two things: politics and, you guessed it, homosexuality. He hates ‘gays’ and told me to never bring them to his house. How am I supposed to ever tell him about this amazing part of my life?
Coming out to my dad
Hey guys I’m 14 and I wanted to share this story with you. So last night I came out to my dad. I wasn’t nervous as I knew he would be understanding. Since I was at dance I couldn’t speak to him face to face. So I sent him a text saying “I’m bisexual” and he replied with “as long as your doing the best in life as you can, who you’re with doesn’t matter. I love you forever and always.” I was in tears when I saw this and I’m happy he knows because I wouldn’t have wanted to keep a secret from him.
I posted before about about me coming out to my friends. I recently came out to my grandmother. It took me some time. But its been on my mind and i felt i needed to do this for myself. I thought about writing a letter but noting sounded right. I thought about just blurtin it out and it just couldnt do that either. then i decided to send a text message. i laid in bed thinkin n think and ended up chickening out. but finally i texted her this morning. i siad grandma what would u say if i told u im a lesbian. she said lol ur my granddaughter and i love u no matter wat u r. so i replied ok i love :D
feels so good to know. such a relieve
I’ve learned that everyone has problems in life - being gay is just another one of life’s challenges. It’s worse than some things, but better than others. I feel no regrets for anything that has happened in my life so far. I have finally learned to love myself. Coming out hasn’t made my life carefree. I feel that I’ve made considerable progress on my own personal path of self-acceptance and personal understanding. To finally end, I like to say I don’t get angry or upset at people when they say awful things about the gay lifestyle, in fact, I feel bad for them. They are the one that have to live their life with hatred in them, because all it does it eat you up inside. I can honestly say that coming out to family and everyone around me I love was the best thing I ever done. It was taking to much out of me, and I needed a peace of mind. Even if at least one person don’t except me, it’s okay because I’m living my life for me not for that person. Nothing feels better than honesty with yourself. Yes you do loose some people in your life, but why would you want to keep those who don’t or won’t accept and respect you for who you are. It’s such a remarkable feeling of liberation not having this secret eating at my mind any longer. I’m just happy to have things in my control with no fear, loathing, regrets but just the future, which look extremely good to me. I’m still the same loving shy person everyone as known, everyone just now know me a little better than they did before. I hope after a certain level of acceptance of me, I don’t expect it to be over night, but hope in time, every one will understand my life. I’m working hard towards putting all the pieces of my life together. But I do so with a renewed sense of hope that everything will work out and that I’m on my way to becoming the person I was meant to be. It is a welcome feeling. I am very comfortable with my sexuality and wouldn’t have it in any other way. I proudly love being gay!!! I began to let the real me emerge from that dark closet, I had hidden in my entire life. Finally I have the courage to be true to myself and to live life to the fullest through happiness. Now that I am out, I can’t imagine ever being in the closet. I look back on my life I wish I had the strength to do it many years ago. But one good thing came out of this, I never regret, I have three wonderful children in my life and my grands. Now I can look at the moon, sun, stars, cloud and the rainbow in a different light, instead of darkness. It gave me my identity AT LAST!
when i was still just a young teenager, 13, i used to come this tumblr page, and i read every single post on here. all because i was looking for inspiration. and you all helped me so much, it was like being part of a community of people who were all seeking love, acceptation, and support. this year i told my family, so to me i am officially out to everyone, i dont care about telling anyone that i am gay, my name is Kieran Reece Boardman amd i am gay, i am 17, and i have come back here again to say thank you so very very much for your support.
This is no fairy tale coming out story, or romantic one. This is just a short summary of what I went through with myself and my mind.
In my sophomore year of high school (I am now a Junior) I started noticing that I was becoming interested in girls. I went from saying “I wish I looked like her” or “I wish I was her” to “I’d date her”. At first, I thought this was just a phase that I was going through. I thought to myself.. I can’t like girls, I’m straight. There was a never-ending battle going on in my head. I became depressed and I started to harm myself. A few months later, I came to terms with the fact that I actually do like girls, but I thought to myself.. I can’t be a lesbian, I like boys. I became confused more than ever. I tried to convince myself to pick a side: gay or straight. Another battle occurred inside my head and it became a dark place. During that time, I was suicidal. I didn’t want to live anymore. During all that confusion and self-hatred, I found the term bisexuality. Bisexuality is attraction to both sexes. I finally figured everything out. I am bisexual. I like boys and girls. Soon after that, I came out to a friend. She was very accepting and her acceptance gave me the courage to come out to other friends. Months later, I wrote a letter to my mom telling her that I am in fact, bisexual. She has accepted it, but I’m not completely sure that she has grasped the fact that I am actually bi. No one else in my family knows and not many people in my school know yet, but I am coming out little by little.I hope everyone else is accepting. Since I told my mom about my sexuality, I have been a much happier person. I haven’t harmed myself in a few months and I am beating my depression and anxiety. I am happy. It feels so good to say that.
I like people for their soul, not their gender.
If you guys EVER need anything or if you need anyone to talk to, please feel free to message me. I don’t bite.
This is gonna be long, so bare with me
I guess my story starts in 5th grade, although I didn’t know I was gay at the time. There was this guy in my group of friends that I had a dream about. Not a completely appropriate dream might I add. But I had that dream, and after that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I got this weird feeling every time I was around him, and I didn’t realize it then, but I guess i had a sort of crush on him. But like I said, I didn’t realize this so I didn’t think anything of it and I moved on. I don’t really count him as my first guy crush.
Middle school came around, and this is when puberty is hitting and you develop sexual attraction. I was attracted girls, but only emotionally. I never had any sexual attraction to a girl, but I viewed it as me controlling myself and not being a douchebag that only wants sex. So I thought I was just one of those nice guys that girls talked about and wished they had, and I always wanted to be that. I wanted to find a girl and treat her like a queen, marry her and have kids and just live a happy life. But that wasn’t the case. I realized I was sexually attracted to guys but I still didn’t think I was gay. Just thought it was a phase. At this time I still had a high pitched voice and people used to make fun of me and call me gay all the time and I’d deny it cause I honestly didn’t think I was. Then 8th grade came around.
I’ve been following this blog for a while now and I remember reading all this different stories, some were funny, others were sad, but the thing is… somehow I could relate to all of them. Looking back at where I was at the time it’s hard to believe that I could relate to anything at all, I felt like there was no one that could possibly feel what I felt. But things have changed in the last few months.
I never thought I’d feel happy again, I thought I wasn’t strong enough to be honest about who I am. But here I am, even though I’m just a 16 year old I feel like I’ve grown a lot. I’ve come out to all of my closest friends, a few not-so-close ones, one of my sisters and my mother.
Of course I still have “issues” surrounding my sexual orientation. I am scared to death to tell my extended family, let alone my dad. I find it hard to believe that I’ll find someone that understands me, and I also feel alone from time to time, but I guess that there will always be some sort of obstacles in the way and sooner or later I’ll be able to get past them.
One of the things I least expected when I came out to the closest people in my life was the way they reacted. I always though "expect the worst and you wont be disappointed”. I expected my mom to hate me and kick me out of the house, I expected my friends to turn their backs on me, but none of that happened and for that I’m very grateful.
Maybe this isn’t a coming out story at all, I’m not telling you how I came out… but it feels really good to be able to share this with someone (that someone being a complete stranger) and who knows? Maybe this will help someone somehow.
Last but not least, if you’ve taken the time to read this (thank you for that!) and you feel like I did when I started following this blog, then I want you to know that you are NOT alone, that there are always going to be people out there that love you and support you no matter what! And that includes me if you may know. :)
Message me if you want, or just read the next post. :)
Hey, my name’s Joseph. I’m 20, and I’ve known i liked guys at last as much as girls, maybe more, since I was around twelve years old, or even before. I fooled around with a friend more than once, but he made it clear he was straight. I finally got the courage to admit that I was bi, or maybe gay, to myself when I was a junior in high school, and I came out in text to an openly gay friend of mine. He was supportive, but I entered a deep depression, during which I contemplated my own damnation, as per my religious expectations. Me and most of my family have always been religious, which made coming out particularly difficult. As of now, I’ve still never ‘been with’ either gender beyond the youthful experimentations between 12-15, again, as per my religious standards, but I came out to a long-time, childhood friend while at a religious university who, like me, came from a religious family and was a lesbian. She was also really supportive, and even tried to hook me up with a guy she knew, but I got scared and started avoiding her.
I guess this isn’t much of a coming out story, more a sad monologue of impotence and timidity, but there you have it. I’m hoping to make it to a coming out group meeting for the first time in a week, so maybe I’ll have more news for you then.
Closets are Scary, I won’t Come Out, I’ll Be Out
By: Jimmy Twosticks
Regarding bisexuality my 29th birthday was special. I found myself in Amsterdam near the Museum Square Hotel Amsterdam kissing a Dutch man who insisted that it was okay to let his girlfriend join us. I could only understand the “its Ok…its Ok” rant. But we were far beyond needing validation, after the bathing suit fashion show we’d initiated.
Something different was happening on this trip as I hop-scotched across the EU and Africa to close out my 20’s. Some unique confidence kicked in. I write unique, because I was somewhat confident about who I thought I was previously, but I didn’t feel as though I could Be Out. After I asked a taxi driver to take me from Schiphol Airport straight to Thermos Day (a popular bath house & spa), I expected a weird look, at least, right!? Clearly I’d never been to Amsterdam before. The lack of push back I got for asking to go to a gayest area, and how the driver gave me an engineers tour of how the city grew and engineered its water levels away via bridges and canals, was as if I didn’t tell this drive that I was disgusting and from middle-America.
So I stopped being embarrassed. Aaaah Euro trips…LOL. It made me feel activist while considering how I’d be treating on the South Side of Chicago if I asked for a taxi ride to Boystown or Steamworks. All of this made me reflect on the time my younger cousin by ~6 years Came Out to our family after years of being teased for being obviously Gay. Even as we all knew, the moniker of Gay consumed his identify. My life was different because of the women I dated, but I always gauged my cousin to understand how I’d be received. After all, to be Bi is to be Gay. We carry all the colors of the rainbow.
From this reflection, I thought about how silly it would be to seek acceptance from people for the way I like to have sex. I’ve never had a heterosexual family member approach me to say, “I like it missionary!” So I arrived at the conclusion that I didn’t need to say, “I also like it missionary”, with this cute Dutch woman’s cute boyfriend. I didn’t (and don’t) want to be some label other than the Jimmy. Knowing that reads ignorant and hopeful, I decided to engage each person in my circle as an individual and if we ever talked about sexual encounters, I’d respond about my orientation when the time was relevant.
At 32 now, I find my core objective to just live a productive life Out of the Closet, but I should never be having a conversation about travel and interrupt to say “you know I’m Gay, right?”. When I volunteered for NYC Pride in 2013, I made no announcements but it provoked more conversation on my social media with long-time friends and family that I don’t communicate with frequently. While I’m not sure I understand the word normal, I’ve been able to be comfortable having conversations about my orientation by just Being Out and avoiding the show of stereotypes (both positive and negative) via Coming Out.
My biological father (Jimmy Onestick) sent me a text message about Magic Johnson’s son after we were talking about Michael Jordan’s hall-of-fame speech. Naturally I thought Magic’s son played ball, because of the reference. My father wrote “he plays ball but not that type of ball”. So I Googled him… He is gay and Magic/Cookie are supportive. I wrote the old man, who I am not very close with, a text to say: “me too”. He responded “I guess that is working out for you”, and so it is. He is the first to like my Facebook articles about LGBT issues. I think we influence more when we are able to be ourselves. Closets are Scary, but I won’t come out, I’ll #BeOut
#BeOut is a campaign touting that sexuality is a range and for LGBTQ community to be unafraid of getting comfortable in their own skin and environment.