I honestly regret opening my mouth.

So I’m a gay 16 year old Australian male, and I’m still not fully out. So far, four people know. My best friend (A), my close friend (came out to her first. Lets call her ‘T’) then there’s my other close friend (M) and she was heaps accepting. My crush’s name also starts with M… So I’ll refer to him as ‘crush’ or something akin to that.

So, some back story. I had know my crush for at least seven or so years, and nothing ever really challenged our friendship, we were INCREDIBLY close.
Anyway, I developed feelings for him about two years ago (I had known I was gay for three) and basically they grew in intensity and I couldn’t really ignore them, so I wrote him a note on my phone, showed him (while on the verge of just breaking down). He read it, looked at me, said ‘well this is awkward’ and how he ‘wouldn’t tell anyone’ but we just stopped talking.

I screwed over the ONE good relationship I had, and we haven’t talked since. I’ve been having some darker thoughts as of recent, and quite frankly I miss him way too much.
It physically hurts to be around him, which is quite often. And I don’t know how much longer I can go on for…

I really wish I never opened my stupid mouth…

I just really needed to get that out, so… Yeah.

~N

I’ve only come out to one person before but it already feels like I’ve done it a million times over, because it was just that hard for me to come out to myself, something I struggled with every day from the time I was 10 to now that I’m 17. This last year a friend of mine came out to me, and confided in me that she was slowly coming out to other people, too.

And I was happy for her, I really was. But the every time she gushed to me about how well so and so was taking it, I felt like I was going to cry because nobody knew my secret, the secret I swore to take to my grave on my 11th birthday when I was still firmly in denial and praying nightly to God or whatever Thing was out there and possibly watching over me. Maybe I was praying to myself.

I ended up telling her over a text message because I was scared shitless to say it in person. I stuttered every time I tried to bring it up and my heart pounded so hard I started to worry about my health. She told me she was glad I told her, and I went home and cried because I wasn’t sure if I regretted telling her or not, and I’m still not sure. I never asked to be different and every day I have to remind myself that I’m not alone and I’ll never be alone and it’s okay to struggle with my identity as long as I’m happy in the end. I want to come out to more people, but I’m still getting over the shock of having someone accept me even when I can’t accept myself.

Sometimes love can be found in the last place you look.

I am a female in college. In my life I questioned if I liked girls a few times, but Cosmo convinced me that I just wanted to be the woman, not be with the woman. So I threw the thought away and never looked back. Until this year. I dreamed of becoming best friends with a boy and falling in love, but never had any luck with guys. One night I was cuddling with my best friend as we watched a movie. A girl I met in college, we had been each others’ best friend for a year. We’re both very religious and very straight (or so we thought..). As I’m sure you’ve already deduced, the cuddling that night had so much tension and…chemistry. I left feeling confused and when she brought it up I denied that it meant anything. This went on for a while, each of us going back and forth with it, not wanting to ruin our perfect friendship and not knowing if homosexuality was our thing. Over Christmas break I decided to take the time away from her to make up my mind once and for all. And I decided it was ridiculous. But then I came back to school, and I saw her again. And we both just knew that it wasn’t over. We started dating after about a month of figuring out how we wanted to go about our feelings. Now it has been four months, and we’ve never been happier. And I got my cheesy love story I always dreamed of, but in a way I never imagined. :)

On a sadder note, although I really don’t care what other people think about my sexuality (if they aren’t cool with it, I wouldn’t want to know them anyway), it is a different story with family. My father, as cool and fun as he is, is really close minded about two things: politics and, you guessed it, homosexuality. He hates ‘gays’ and told me to never bring them to his house. How am I supposed to ever tell him about this amazing part of my life?

In Progress

This is gonna be long, so bare with me

I guess my story starts in 5th grade, although I didn’t know I was gay at the time. There was this guy in my group of friends that I had a dream about. Not a completely appropriate dream might I add. But I had that dream, and after that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I got this weird feeling every time I was around him, and I didn’t realize it then, but I guess i had a sort of crush on him. But like I said, I didn’t realize this so I didn’t think anything of it and I moved on. I don’t really count him as my first guy crush. 

Middle school came around, and this is when puberty is hitting and you develop sexual attraction. I was attracted girls, but only emotionally. I never had any sexual attraction to a girl, but I viewed it as me controlling myself and not being a douchebag that only wants sex. So I thought I was just one of those nice guys that girls talked about and wished they had, and I always wanted to be that. I wanted to find a girl and treat her like a queen, marry her and have kids and just live a happy life. But that wasn’t the case. I realized I was sexually attracted to guys but I still didn’t think I was gay. Just thought it was a phase. At this time I still had a high pitched voice and people used to make fun of me and call me gay all the time and I’d deny it cause I honestly didn’t think I was. Then 8th grade came around.

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Isnt it awful when you decide to come out to the only single person you think would understand, and they react by trying to convince you its only your delusional mind?):

wondering

I’ve been watching and reading “Coming out stories” on YouTube and here.

As I said I’m gay and in the closet. Those stories make me feel somethings strange. I feel happy because they could do something I couldn’t do yet. But, I also feel sad because I wanna do the same and feel free but there’s something in me which is stopping me.

It is so strange for me…. 

How can I know when is the monent? how can I know who is the first person I should say it? Who can give me an advice?

I think I shoud have a mate before saying nothing because he would suport me in that monent… I don’t know, I-m confuse, so confuse. Moreover, I don’t have gay friends so I can’t talk to anyone…

Ok, I said all I had to say about it today.Thank you for reading ;)

This is my tublr> msminds.tumblr.com

When I Came Out.

Well, before anything major happened, when I was about six years old I kissed my friend on the cheek. I thought the butterflies were out of embarassment when she told me not to do that again, but after about two years, I kind of started to wonder if it was something different.

When I was either 11 or 12, I came out to my dad upstairs in their bedroom, telling him about how I thought I was bisexual. I remember begging him not to tell mom because she’s such a devout Christian. He was perfectly fine with it and mom eventually came to be getting mad saying I could tell her anything. (That and I was too young to even know.) Two years later as a fourteen year old, my second best friend and I decided to give dating a try. It was magic. Unfortunately she was moving and I seriously needed some emotional support. It seemed my parents had forgotten all about the previous talk.(That, or they believed I moved past it) yet again, I went to my father first.

Predictably, he already have a feeling I had been dating the girl and had no issues with it. He just talked to me and helped me stop crying. Mom on the other hand…. Reacted horribly. She said it was a bit of bullcrap and that I yet again thought of her as a friend and not a girlfriend. I ended up resorting to writing a note to her telling her otherwise because I was afraid of getting hit by a bible. No kidding there. She claimed it was ‘end of story’.

Months later and nothing went better. She became distrusting of other females. I can’t give girls gifts without her thinking that they are more than friends. It is safe to say coming out was the WORST thing I could have ever decided to do.

I’m twenty-one and I came out to my dad two hours ago.  I’ve been working up to it since I was twelve; ever since I figured out I liked boys.  He sort of facepalmed for a second, then he slid off the couch, knelt down, pressed his face to the floor and started sobbing.  He kept saying things like “You’re too young” and “You’ll suffer” and “Please don’t stop studying”.  I sort of hugged him and told him it was okay and that it wasn’t that bad and he insisted that he didn’t think it was bad, he just hoped that I wasn’t gay.  Which sort of means he does think it’s bad.  And then we maybe had a little bit of a disagreement over the fact that he wanted me to “Please wait until I’m gone” and the fact that I’m not willing to put my personal life on hold and repress myself because it makes him uncomfortable.

Sheesh.  When my mum gets back from this work dinner she’s attending, he’ll probably tell her.  Let’s hope she takes it better than he does.  She probably will, she’s an Elton John fan.

Still In The Progress

I am 16-year-old male and I’ve been concidering myself as gay, like, my whole life. I was never actually sure about it until 2 years ago I got a girlfriend through an Internet. She lives 6 hours away from me. We liked same things and were alike and I liked her and she likeS me so we started dating.

During the affair I started questioning my own sexuality. Being with her (we met like once a month) didn’t help finding myself ‘cause I felt myself straight every time I was with her. I remember alway at night when we were apart I texted her sad messages about how I had a secret I didn’t want to tell and how I cried about it. I was so sad at that time and very depressed and I even concidered suicide. I was so close with her and I didn’t want to break it all.

While we had dated a year, we were chatting in the Internet, I told her how I can’t be her object of love anymore. She asked why, but I just said that I’m not ready to tell yet because it hurted so bad already. Then she said that she was feeling worse than me which was probably true. Then she went offline and we didn’t talk in two weeks. I know, I was bastard when I left her that way.

While I didn’t talk to my ex, I came out to my big brothers girlfriend who I am friends with and she was very supportive and said that I needed to tell this to my ex. And so I did. It wasn’t easy but it sure was worth it. She was so happy for me and asked why I didn’t say it in the first place. Now we are best friends and hide nothing from each other. She’s just a little bit attached to me still but it gets over

Now I’m open to all my friends but not to family. I’m scared of their reaction, especially dad’s because he is super duper homophobic. Maybe when I am able to support myself 100% I am able to tell them.

gagalanamarina.tumblr.com

Coming out to a friend… and it didn’t go well.

My friend Gina is a girl I have carpooled with to college and studied with for two years. She is really cool and we hang out all the time, but I was so sure she has no idea that I am bi and I didn’t know how to tell her. I have never had to tell anyone before. My friends have all been with me since puberty and they all know. Many times, they have broken it to people by how they jokingly make fun of me for it. :)

To me, I was kind of thinking of Gina like “you are missing some really great opportunities to make fun of me for some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth!” :D   Also, most people know and I would hate for her to find out through someone else.

So the other day, I told her. Very awkward conversation. VERY. She just sat there and stared at me like she was so pissed off she didn’t know what to say. Then she repeated conversations we had had that day and turned everything I had said that day into some kind of predatory sexual come-on. “So when I laid down on your bed and said I’d like to sleep there tonight and you said ‘Go ahead’, you were really thinking about SEX!”

NO. I WAS NOT. >:(

So here is my rant on this subject. I thought she was a good friend and I am not cool with being treated like I was trying to molest her all this time! We have hung out for two years! I helped her try on bras in Lane Bryant for 45 minutes and we cleaned out all of the closets in her house. She is NOT hot. I have never thought about sex once in her presence.

Why would you think that now - all of a sudden - my entire goal is just to screw you????? I am not some predatory molester who is just out to have sex with every girl if I could just get the chance. You have known me for two years! How could you possibly think that of me?!?!?! You liked me five minutes ago when you didn’t know! Reality check: I was gay before I told you!!!!

And by the way, it takes two consenting adults to have sex, especially for girls! What do you think I am going to do?? Dive at your crotch like a freaking labrador??!?!

GRRRR!!!! I am just so angry and disappointed in her. 

Coming out…going back into the closet…coming out again

So hi, i’m Jasmine, a 16 year old girl, and i’m something i havent titled yet..bc not sure if i’m lesbian or bi (hopefully bi). I have always kinda known i’m different.. Never checked on boys as other girls did. When they all agreed about a dude being hot, i always ended and still end up disagreeing. When i was little I didnt know that that feeling is called ‘being homosexual’.. i just knew i was different than other girls in a sertain way. I was actually 13 when i kinda understood that i am gay. And it was a shock for me and i just couldnt take it bc i had heard others making jokes on gays etc..and naturally thought it’s a bad thing. I also didnt know anyone being gay. Just some celebs who ppl laughed at. But yea, so it took me a year to accept the idea that i might be gay..and I kinda came out last year around November by telling my best friend. B4 telling her i had prepared her for it since the autumn by asking many many times that what would she say if i told her i’m gay/trans/bi? And the answer was always: “nothing, but would be shocked.” i told her after a couple moths of asking.. And she answered: “Oh really. You finally told..! I ofc guessed after so many times of asking”. Lol kinda funny now afterwards xD

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I came out to 4 people 3 girls and 1 boy. The girls took it well but the boy sort of went and told the whole school i was gay and that didn’t go well with a catholic school which was ok with some people. My mum took it well and so did my dad and his fiancee. That was ok but i got bullied by homophobic wankers. It did feel great to be accepted but not all people in Christian Ireland.

my half coming out story lol i need advice for the other half if u want to message me

ok so im natalie im 17 and a lesbian (for now) i think im bi but high school guys are stupid horny dirty hairy and disgusting anyway ever since i was little like before kindergarden i use to hate anything girly it burned i wanted to be a guy so badly i mean imagine a elementry kid crying to god every night wishing to be a boy back then i liked guys i hated girls didn’t find them interesting thought barbies and playing house or dress up was stupid oh and even to this day i WILL NOT EVERWEAR A DRESS my family (which ranges from 11-17 ppl) disaproved and bullied me on my feelings about wanting to be a guy my mom tried to be nice about it but she is very controling she tries to be excepting but her whole life shes been the leader the one everyone listens to so she wanted me to go down the right path to follow gods rules(im catholic) but i dont believe god ment that we can be gay so yah i quit wishing to be a guy it was the dream of a child lol but seeing how mean and hurtful my family was to me when i was a CHILD how they made me hate myself they made me wish i liked who i was and didn’t want to change it makes me afraid to come out to them i dont want to relive my childhood i dont want to be teased and lectured and yelled at and beat up 24/7 like before(i was never beat up by parents only my brother and he got hell for it from my parents but he will still beat me up punishment doesn’t afect him) i already come out to all my friends and im not afraid of the ppl in our friend circle to find out what im scared of is thatis they put it on facebook or say something around a family member without thinking and out me and then i end up being tortured until i can get away from all my family (which also means leaving my awesome amazing friends) :( i dont want to leave but i cant just let my family hurt me mentally and phsically I DONT KNOW WAT TO DO AND NEED HELP IF U CAN GIVE ME ADVICE MESSAGE MY TUMBLR http://foreverafriend16.tumblr.com/ 

OR EMAIL ME AT nataliemharvey@yahoo.com and no im not afraid that my family will find this becuz none of them would look for anything gay related online unless im not the only one

Well, here it is.

Coming out for me has been a mixed bag; while a lot of people, including most of my friends and family. However, a lot of hate has sprung up from those who didn’t really like me before. Originally, it was a little thing between me and my friends - they didn’t really mind my sexuality at all.

However, things changed when the self-propagated rumour spread that I was bisexual. For 2 years, I’ve had an onslaught of mockery and questions, both serious and sarcastic. This was not helped at all when another rumour (which I did not deny as I do not tell lies) was spread that I had gay sex. ONCE. 4 YEARS AGO. And yet people seem to think it’s the intrical thing in my personality and history. Let me tell you right now; even though that was a moderately important experience of sexual discovery in my life, I would not go so far as to make a stupid 10-year-old decision with a friend the centre of my life.

Now, there are other things people use against me. My ‘bad looks’, my love of ‘cartoon porn’ (anime), my general nerdiness and lack of being friends with more than 3 people. I feel like it’s mostly childish immaturity, but it does get annoying and it makes school life a lot less enjoyable than it should be.

Most people I meet in the real world are perfectly okay with who I am; even my 54 year old father who I though would be outraged had no conflict whatsoever with my coming out. And so I think it will get better - as more and more people around me become more knowledgable and comfortable with both their own sexuality and the sexualities of others.

Peace out, one love etc.

Cal Halzalla (pseudonym to protect myself) - I can be contacted at poisonmaster98@gmail.com with any questions or just leave a comment if you can do that on tumblr.

I can’t decide.

I’m a closeted gay, and I haven’t found the courage to come out yet. I know I will get teased and stuff at school when I do, so I think the best thing for me to do is keep it a secret. But is the pain of getting teased and bullied about it worse than the pain of having to keep it a secret? To have to live a lie and pretend I’m something I’m not?

I could use some help and advice from someone who has been throughout this before. Please contact me.

whatapeculiarstate.tumblr.com