Coming out to a friend… and it didn’t go well.
My friend Gina is a girl I have carpooled with to college and studied with for two years. She is really cool and we hang out all the time, but I was so sure she has no idea that I am bi and I didn’t know how to tell her. I have never had to tell anyone before. My friends have all been with me since puberty and they all know. Many times, they have broken it to people by how they jokingly make fun of me for it. :)
To me, I was kind of thinking of Gina like “you are missing some really great opportunities to make fun of me for some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth!” :D Also, most people know and I would hate for her to find out through someone else.
So the other day, I told her. Very awkward conversation. VERY. She just sat there and stared at me like she was so pissed off she didn’t know what to say. Then she repeated conversations we had had that day and turned everything I had said that day into some kind of predatory sexual come-on. “So when I laid down on your bed and said I’d like to sleep there tonight and you said ‘Go ahead’, you were really thinking about SEX!”
NO. I WAS NOT. >:(
So here is my rant on this subject. I thought she was a good friend and I am not cool with being treated like I was trying to molest her all this time! We have hung out for two years! I helped her try on bras in Lane Bryant for 45 minutes and we cleaned out all of the closets in her house. She is NOT hot. I have never thought about sex once in her presence.
Why would you think that now - all of a sudden - my entire goal is just to screw you????? I am not some predatory molester who is just out to have sex with every girl if I could just get the chance. You have known me for two years! How could you possibly think that of me?!?!?! You liked me five minutes ago when you didn’t know! Reality check: I was gay before I told you!!!!
And by the way, it takes two consenting adults to have sex, especially for girls! What do you think I am going to do?? Dive at your crotch like a freaking labrador??!?!
GRRRR!!!! I am just so angry and disappointed in her.
My Friend and Brother
So it was a quiet evening. A friend of mine (who we’ll call Jim) was over, so my brother (who we’ll call Tom), Jim and I were sitting around, watching funny YouTube videos and FaceTiming my friend (who we’ll call Ted). So Ted and I were secretly texting, and he convinced me to come out to Tom and Jim. So we got the conversation on the popular talking point of me never dating or mentioning women in my life.
We discussed it, and they were jokingly asking if I was gay. I finally said “you know what, I’m gay, nothing more, nothing less”. Tom just lied down on the couch and said “my life was finally going good, but now I have a gay brother”. Jim just was quiet (I later learned he was just thinking along the lines of “well, that’s… um… different”).
Tom still blames me for ruining the night and still is not exactly completely warm to me being gay, but to hell with him. And Ted, Jim and another friend (who we’ll call Mitch), who now know, really don’t care that much.
So far Tom, Jim, Mitch, Ted (who told his girlfriend despite my protests), a friend from NJ (who we’ll call Steve) and my teacher (who found out from Mitch after a gay rumor spread around and Mitch, trying to keep it a secret, exploded on the instigators. The teacher called Mitch in, Mitch explained everything, and now I have an adult on my side).
So yeah, an interesting turn of events I would say.
Coming out…going back into the closet…coming out again
So hi, i’m Jasmine, a 16 year old girl, and i’m something i havent titled yet..bc not sure if i’m lesbian or bi (hopefully bi). I have always kinda known i’m different.. Never checked on boys as other girls did. When they all agreed about a dude being hot, i always ended and still end up disagreeing. When i was little I didnt know that that feeling is called ‘being homosexual’.. i just knew i was different than other girls in a sertain way. I was actually 13 when i kinda understood that i am gay. And it was a shock for me and i just couldnt take it bc i had heard others making jokes on gays etc..and naturally thought it’s a bad thing. I also didnt know anyone being gay. Just some celebs who ppl laughed at. But yea, so it took me a year to accept the idea that i might be gay..and I kinda came out last year around November by telling my best friend. B4 telling her i had prepared her for it since the autumn by asking many many times that what would she say if i told her i’m gay/trans/bi? And the answer was always: “nothing, but would be shocked.” i told her after a couple moths of asking.. And she answered: “Oh really. You finally told..! I ofc guessed after so many times of asking”. Lol kinda funny now afterwards xD
I came out to 4 people 3 girls and 1 boy. The girls took it well but the boy sort of went and told the whole school i was gay and that didn’t go well with a catholic school which was ok with some people. My mum took it well and so did my dad and his fiancee. That was ok but i got bullied by homophobic wankers. It did feel great to be accepted but not all people in Christian Ireland.
I had decided earlier this year that I was going to come out, it was my New Year’s Resolution, in fact. I had been in the closet to my family and really close friends back at home for too long, and I always thought that I was going to wait until I was able to support myself independently to actually come out, but for the longest time, I felt the notion of doing it eating away at my insides. I was already out at college, and coming home and running back into the closet was heartbreaking each and every time, and it came to the point where I could no longer bear to keep it bottled up inside of me.
my half coming out story lol i need advice for the other half if u want to message me
ok so im natalie im 17 and a lesbian (for now) i think im bi but high school guys are stupid horny dirty hairy and disgusting anyway ever since i was little like before kindergarden i use to hate anything girly it burned i wanted to be a guy so badly i mean imagine a elementry kid crying to god every night wishing to be a boy back then i liked guys i hated girls didn’t find them interesting thought barbies and playing house or dress up was stupid oh and even to this day i WILL NOT EVERWEAR A DRESS my family (which ranges from 11-17 ppl) disaproved and bullied me on my feelings about wanting to be a guy my mom tried to be nice about it but she is very controling she tries to be excepting but her whole life shes been the leader the one everyone listens to so she wanted me to go down the right path to follow gods rules(im catholic) but i dont believe god ment that we can be gay so yah i quit wishing to be a guy it was the dream of a child lol but seeing how mean and hurtful my family was to me when i was a CHILD how they made me hate myself they made me wish i liked who i was and didn’t want to change it makes me afraid to come out to them i dont want to relive my childhood i dont want to be teased and lectured and yelled at and beat up 24/7 like before(i was never beat up by parents only my brother and he got hell for it from my parents but he will still beat me up punishment doesn’t afect him) i already come out to all my friends and im not afraid of the ppl in our friend circle to find out what im scared of is thatis they put it on facebook or say something around a family member without thinking and out me and then i end up being tortured until i can get away from all my family (which also means leaving my awesome amazing friends) :( i dont want to leave but i cant just let my family hurt me mentally and phsically I DONT KNOW WAT TO DO AND NEED HELP IF U CAN GIVE ME ADVICE MESSAGE MY TUMBLR http://foreverafriend16.tumblr.com/
OR EMAIL ME AT email@example.com and no im not afraid that my family will find this becuz none of them would look for anything gay related online unless im not the only one
Well, here it is.
Coming out for me has been a mixed bag; while a lot of people, including most of my friends and family. However, a lot of hate has sprung up from those who didn’t really like me before. Originally, it was a little thing between me and my friends - they didn’t really mind my sexuality at all.
However, things changed when the self-propagated rumour spread that I was bisexual. For 2 years, I’ve had an onslaught of mockery and questions, both serious and sarcastic. This was not helped at all when another rumour (which I did not deny as I do not tell lies) was spread that I had gay sex. ONCE. 4 YEARS AGO. And yet people seem to think it’s the intrical thing in my personality and history. Let me tell you right now; even though that was a moderately important experience of sexual discovery in my life, I would not go so far as to make a stupid 10-year-old decision with a friend the centre of my life.
Now, there are other things people use against me. My ‘bad looks’, my love of ‘cartoon porn’ (anime), my general nerdiness and lack of being friends with more than 3 people. I feel like it’s mostly childish immaturity, but it does get annoying and it makes school life a lot less enjoyable than it should be.
Most people I meet in the real world are perfectly okay with who I am; even my 54 year old father who I though would be outraged had no conflict whatsoever with my coming out. And so I think it will get better - as more and more people around me become more knowledgable and comfortable with both their own sexuality and the sexualities of others.
Peace out, one love etc.
Cal Halzalla (pseudonym to protect myself) - I can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions or just leave a comment if you can do that on tumblr.
My Name is Alyssa, and I’m bi.
I have liked guys and girls for a while now, Im not really sure when I started liking both, but about 2 weeks ago I came out to one of my close friends. It was probably one of the reactions I expected least from her. She said it was weird and probobly just a phase. After that she kinda stopped holding my hand, or linking arms with me while we walked. She even stopped giving me hugs in the morning at school, simple stuff like that. It hurt a lot.
Today, I told another friend. One that I hoped would be more accepting and more supportive than the other.
I first told her how much what I was about to tell her meant to me, and she nodded.
And then I told her how I hoped it wouldn’t change our friendship.
Then I just told her. It felt good saying the words
It took a second for it to register, and then she said “Really?” I told her yes.
Then she reached down for my hand, (we were walking) and she said “thats cool” and then we started skipping instead of walking. It was one of the best times ever because I felt like I could trust her, and she accepted me just the way I was :)
i always knew i was gay. right from about the age of 8, i thought differently on the way i saw women and men. i believe that i was born gay. from a very early age i was a little feminine, for example all my friends were females, i hated sport, and i just didnt act like a normal boy. the time i thought i was different was when i was 14. i held onto being a little straight by believing i was bisexual. at first i told my friend, as it all got to much one time, and slowly i told my 5 closest friend that i was bisexual. over the next year, i suffered from panic attacks, depression, anxiety, and a range of emotions! i was going to school and having to leave class every 10 minutes because i had a upset stomach, and this was mainly on what people thought of me and what i was. on january 14th 2012 at around 11:15 i left my science class to go to the toilet. i came back and i really didnt feel well (stomach), and told my teacher and as i walked off i heard her shout ‘OH I FEEL ILL CAN I GO HOME’. this made me feel so stupid and worthless. i went to my form tutor and just walked in and burst into tears, i had never cried so much. i didnt know what to say to her, so i just cried for the next 15 minutes. eventually i told her about my problems at school on bow i was going to the toilet every 10 minutes and she rang my mum. my mum arranged me a doctors appointment for after school. for the rest of the day, i just sat in my tutors office, isolated from the rest of the school and i cried alot. i left school and headed to the doctors to see my doctor. i walked into the room and i knew i had to tell her. i knew i had to tell her about the panic attacks, stomach ache, anxiety, self-harm, depression, everything! i just blurted out that ‘im gay’ and i just cried again. the doctor said i had anxiety and depression, and sent me a referral to camhs (child and adolescent mental health services), and she urged me to tell my mum i was gay. i went home, not knowing what i was going to say, i said i wasnt going to tell her. i walked in and told my mum the doctor said id got anxiety. my mum said what about. and i said i dont know. my mum said, is it school? i said ;no’ so she said is it what your brother and sister call you? (they called me gay) and reluctantly i muttered the words ‘yes’. my mum reated nicely and i felt a littoe weight of my shoulders. my mum totally accepted me. she told my step dad who reacted in a small small negative reaction but i got used to it, my sister felt fine, and my brother reacted negative. i told my friends at school and sooner or later eveyrone knew my secret. apart from dad. my camhs sessions didnt really help, i just learn to feel better about myself and slowly and slowly i got better. a year later, told my dad i was gay and announced it on facebook. i dont know why i was scared, everyone was fine. to be honest, i dont know why i felt shit about being gay, being gay is just as fine as being normal. being gay is acceptable theese days, and if people dont like it they no what to do. i am looking forward to a happy life as a happy, funny gay man. chris xx
the three f’s: fakes, friends and FABULOUS
So my coming out has been an incredibly long and painful process. I told a few of my amazingly close friends first, and they were absolutely fine with it, to be honest there was no surprise or questioning it. In fact, two of my friends admitted to me when I came out, that they weren’t straight, two already were out and the other was perfectly straight. Needless to say, I became very close to each of them. We started to become best friends one already was. And eventually I had my first taste of heart break. My friend casper told his friend Jodie. Now let me say this I have completely forgiven him for this, but it has truly shaped me as a person and it did make my coming out so very much longer, after telling him it took me 5 months to tell another person, and that only happened when I was off my face. Here’s the story. Ok I told Casper whilst we were walking home from school, and he was being super kind and he made me feel safe. So I just said
“Casper, I’m gay”
Hey everyone. I’m LJ, 21, Irish, cisgendered female. I’m pansexual, but I often just say bisexual because it requires less explanation. Since I identified as bisexual for many years before I’d even heard the word pansexual, I’ll stick to using “bi” in my story. This is the story of how I came out to myself and my friends - and of how I actively didn’t come out to my mother. You’ll see what I mean in a bit. I’ll do my very best not to ramble but I’m afraid this post might run rather long. Before I begin I’d like to say that nothing in my story comes close to the hardship and suffering some other people have gone through. I’ve been very lucky and things have been very easy for me so far on the whole.
Well, my name is Rey. Hello my fellow tumblr gays :)
This is kind of a story of my coming out.
I was raised in a very tradition oriented Mexican household. Needless to say the whole “Real men don’t cry” and whatnot nonsense definitely stuck with me. I moved to the USA and I started public school, with my traditional Mexican self. I was a horrid child, I used the term gay to mock the kids who would cry or didn’t fit my ideal manly man image. Up until like 8th grade I was incredibly homophobic, I came to the more hateful word of “F** or F****t” as opposed to my usual gay to insult people.
I then moved on to high school and in the beginning of 9th grade I got my heart broken, or so my still stuck middle school mentality told me, and this guy asked me to be his boyfriend. I was kind of intrigued by the idea and I told myself “well it hasn’t worked out with any girl I’ve met yet so why not?” I have to admit I liked the idea of being with another man, however I did not like the idea of doing it openly. I was very cold towards this fellow and I think I broke his heart, almost intentionally. I basically did it after everyone on the drill team, of which we were both a part of, found out that we were dating. I didn’t confirm the rumors at first but I never denied them either. Then one day I decided to just confide in the people on the team, we were like family after all. Everyone was cool about it, or at least they put up the front that they were. I kept the idea that I was straight but I was willing to date guys for quite a bit. I even dated girls after the drill team guy I was with.
I hate myself. I realised this last night when I stayed up most of the night, reflecting on this past year, and where I was right now.
I’m attracted to the same sex (guys) as well as the opposite sex, something I’ve known for one and a half years. The whole idea of this has been enough to push me to contemplating suicide and all the other things that come with that, which are, in my opinion too gruesome to share on such a lovely site. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I hate myself because I’m a homophobe, it’s just that I am ridiculously worried about what other people think of me. I feel like I’m locked in this jail, that I’m not allowed to leave until I’m 18, and I can’t wait that long.
Discovering The Truth
My name is E.K.N., and I am bisexual.
I just want more than anything to finally share what’s been bugging me for months. But to do that, I have to start from the beginning.
I had never even considered the idea of the LGBTQ community until one day this one guy called me a lesbian. After his sister explained to me what it was, I nevet gave any thouht about it. At least, not until I realized the way I had begun to feel about my best friend wasn’t quite the way the other girls did. They didn’t want to kiss their best friend, nor did they want to be the one to care for her. They didn’t feel jealous of their best friend’s boyfriends.
To be honest, I think I was both ashamed and excited. I always knew I wasn’t quite like other girls. But the thouht of being lesbian was terrifying. Also, it didn’t make sense, because I’d had an undeniable, incredibly strong crush on a guy. But the feelings I had for my best friend (who was a terrible best friend, by the way) were always there.
Then way, way back, so long ago, in sixth grade (well, okay, it wasn’t that long ago) I became friends with— let’s call him Jack. Jack was sweet, he was hilarious, and so nice to me. After my best friend betrayed me by humiliating me in front of the school, he became one of my new friends and supporters. And gradually, I fell for him. Hard. It didn’t last, and we regrettably grew apart, but I can’t forget the way he made me feel, even if he never liked me back like that.
And then in seventh grade, I met— let’s call her Sara. She was gorgeous, sweet, friendly… and as I got to know her better, I couldn’t help but fall for her next. By then, I knew I wasn’t lesbian, but I definitely wasn’t straight either. I could only think of one thing that I fit, and that was being bisexual. After Sara moved away, I knew. And I tried not to think about it.
I’m ashamed that I hid from it. I’m even more ashamed that I was ashamed. But through eighth grade, it seemed to always be there, insisting I confront it and accept that there was nothing wrong with being bisexual. And by the end of the year, after turmoil and struggle, an inner battle to tell my few close friends and the world and the fear of hatred and my own shame, I began to accept it.
And then I had begun to think about coming out finally. Sometime before school, or over either Thanksgiving or Christmas break. Never had I dreamed that it would happen by accident. I had posted on a website my worries. But I was stupid. My family discovered it, and before I knew it, I was in our basement, and my parents knew, and… I was sick to my stomach. All that I thought I had resolved: my shame, my worries, everything, was roiling through my head. Of course, they were accepting, and so was my sister. So were the rest of my family.
But that isn’t what worries me. See, this is something I had struggled over for over a year. I was terrified, and then when my parents acted like it was no big deal, that they didn’t care, I should have been relieved. Maybe happy, even. Now, my aunt was supportive, and she and my other cared about it the way I did. They knew I had struggled. I should have been happy even more with my parents, right?
But I wasn’t. See, that’s it. I was… hurt. Indignat. I felt that after all that I had gone through, their indifference made me feel… like I’d been silly. Like all my anxiety, all my tears and terror were out of place, because so what? They loved me all the same. But I was angry—no, I AM angry. Still, after all this time. Does that mean that I’m wrong? That I’m being stupid? I know so many others are alienated from those who don’t accept us. Can anyone tell me… why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like they didn’t take me seriously? Like they disregarded my pain like it was nothing? What’s wrong with me?
Why do I feel this way?
ne m’oublie pas
In my life, I have always been the oddball, and I’ve never shown an interest in men, which is weird, my sisters both have always have had boyfriends, and then I have just been the quiet girl, the girl completely devoted to books, and reading, and things along the line you would picture a ‘nerd’ liking. In around 2006, I met a girl and she was so sassy. I fell in love with her right away, though I didn’t know it, I actually was too afraid to talk to her on account of her being so sassy.
Flash forward four years, and she is all I talk to, everyday, about everything. She kept me so happy, and warm, she was like a gift sent by someone to make the day better, to make the time fly by quicker. She would talk to me about everything, showing me things, and making me watch and listen to things I assumed I wouldn’t like, surprising myself even, when I loved them.
That was so great.
Two years later, I’m here alone. One day out of frustration, watching her talk to someone I didn’t like, and flirt with her, I decided to say something, tell her how stupid she was behaving. It’s odd to think that’s how our friendship just ended. Two months later, I sit at home still swimming in thoughts about her, trying to figure out why I care so much that we’re not friends anymore, why it would bother me. I don’t usually care to be around people, and then it hit me—I loved her. I love her laugh, and the way I can hear her smile on the phone and the fact that she still texted me, even after I didn’t want to be her friend, just to check on me, and I was so ashamed. I didn’t understand how I could be attracted to a girl, the thought made me so uncomfortable, because though I was raised in a house where we accept anyone for anything, no one to my knowledge was gay in my family, it was something we just nodded at and moved on, when we saw. I remember sending her an anonymous message on her tumblr and telling her ‘I can’t talk to you anymore because I love you, and it hurts.’ Within ten minutes she texted me, asking if I had sent the message, and my heart was pounding and I was in tears, I felt so relieved to tell her, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my chest. And then she pulled me down from the high I was on, saying ‘I love you too, but I’m in love with my girlfriend’ I had to swallow every bad feeling, and block out that day. The months of 2011 are ones I can’t remember. I was stuck in this endless cycle of trying to make myself attracted to men, make myself forget her. I didn’t have anyone to tell, who wouldn’t think my liking girls was odd or shameful. She had been the only one I had come out too, and with the way it ended, I wanted to crawl back into my hole, not wanting to do anything with myself, just go on dreaming about girls I could never have.
Now at the end of 2012, I am barely functioning, and can’t speak to the only person I have ever loved. It feels so ridiculous, like something out of a book, except it didn’t go the way I wanted it to. She married her girlfriend over a month ago, and then told me how terrible I am for being bitter, and that I treat her terribly due to being so bitter.