Coming out to a friend… and it didn’t go well.
My friend Gina is a girl I have carpooled with to college and studied with for two years. She is really cool and we hang out all the time, but I was so sure she has no idea that I am bi and I didn’t know how to tell her. I have never had to tell anyone before. My friends have all been with me since puberty and they all know. Many times, they have broken it to people by how they jokingly make fun of me for it. :)
To me, I was kind of thinking of Gina like “you are missing some really great opportunities to make fun of me for some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth!” :D Also, most people know and I would hate for her to find out through someone else.
So the other day, I told her. Very awkward conversation. VERY. She just sat there and stared at me like she was so pissed off she didn’t know what to say. Then she repeated conversations we had had that day and turned everything I had said that day into some kind of predatory sexual come-on. “So when I laid down on your bed and said I’d like to sleep there tonight and you said ‘Go ahead’, you were really thinking about SEX!”
NO. I WAS NOT. >:(
So here is my rant on this subject. I thought she was a good friend and I am not cool with being treated like I was trying to molest her all this time! We have hung out for two years! I helped her try on bras in Lane Bryant for 45 minutes and we cleaned out all of the closets in her house. She is NOT hot. I have never thought about sex once in her presence.
Why would you think that now - all of a sudden - my entire goal is just to screw you????? I am not some predatory molester who is just out to have sex with every girl if I could just get the chance. You have known me for two years! How could you possibly think that of me?!?!?! You liked me five minutes ago when you didn’t know! Reality check: I was gay before I told you!!!!
And by the way, it takes two consenting adults to have sex, especially for girls! What do you think I am going to do?? Dive at your crotch like a freaking labrador??!?!
GRRRR!!!! I am just so angry and disappointed in her.
Coming out…going back into the closet…coming out again
So hi, i’m Jasmine, a 16 year old girl, and i’m something i havent titled yet..bc not sure if i’m lesbian or bi (hopefully bi). I have always kinda known i’m different.. Never checked on boys as other girls did. When they all agreed about a dude being hot, i always ended and still end up disagreeing. When i was little I didnt know that that feeling is called ‘being homosexual’.. i just knew i was different than other girls in a sertain way. I was actually 13 when i kinda understood that i am gay. And it was a shock for me and i just couldnt take it bc i had heard others making jokes on gays etc..and naturally thought it’s a bad thing. I also didnt know anyone being gay. Just some celebs who ppl laughed at. But yea, so it took me a year to accept the idea that i might be gay..and I kinda came out last year around November by telling my best friend. B4 telling her i had prepared her for it since the autumn by asking many many times that what would she say if i told her i’m gay/trans/bi? And the answer was always: “nothing, but would be shocked.” i told her after a couple moths of asking.. And she answered: “Oh really. You finally told..! I ofc guessed after so many times of asking”. Lol kinda funny now afterwards xD
The Hardest Story To Tell
So, my coming out story is a little different than many, but I hope I can share and help someone else out. I never realized I had to come out, I have known I was gay since 5th grade when boys first start experimenting on eachother. I’ve always been very small, but athletic, not overly feminine, but just enough I considered the fact I was gay obvious besides, never dated girls but had tons of them on friends. I sang in choir, I was a cheerleader, like really it was somewhat obvious.
My Name is Alyssa, and I’m bi.
I have liked guys and girls for a while now, Im not really sure when I started liking both, but about 2 weeks ago I came out to one of my close friends. It was probably one of the reactions I expected least from her. She said it was weird and probobly just a phase. After that she kinda stopped holding my hand, or linking arms with me while we walked. She even stopped giving me hugs in the morning at school, simple stuff like that. It hurt a lot.
Today, I told another friend. One that I hoped would be more accepting and more supportive than the other.
I first told her how much what I was about to tell her meant to me, and she nodded.
And then I told her how I hoped it wouldn’t change our friendship.
Then I just told her. It felt good saying the words
It took a second for it to register, and then she said “Really?” I told her yes.
Then she reached down for my hand, (we were walking) and she said “thats cool” and then we started skipping instead of walking. It was one of the best times ever because I felt like I could trust her, and she accepted me just the way I was :)
Coming out and a few words of advice.
Hey there! I’m Ryan and I’m 14. I just recently came to the conclusion and accepted that I am gay. I realized that I have been gay my whole life because I remember never REALLY feeling attracted to girls, and I saw some home videos from when I was younger and just by the way I talked and acted it was obvious I was special! Anyway, to the coming out story. I guess it’s not actually a coming out story because I didn’t actually come out, it’s more of a found out story. So my mom came to pick me up from school a few weeks ago when I stayed after to practice for a concert. (I play the trombone) I got in the car, and as we left the school, she said to me “Weeeee need to talk about something serious.” It was that kind of tone that starts high and just gets lower. You know that really suspicious kind of tone. At this point I was scared. Does she know? Did she find my “magazines?” (Jk about the mags) and then she said “I was trying to set up my email on my phone and yours was up and I saw things from match.com and e-harmony and LGBT.” At this point, I was devastated and my heart sank. I had never felt so low before. I cried the whole way home and didn’t talk about it. I was really sad but also really mad at myself. What had happened was a few months before, I got on my email on her phone and forgot to log off. Then just before “the incident” I had emailed an LGBT help center for guidance on coming out. I had also been so stupid as to go to match.com and whatever…… I was just curious. So it’s all okay now, but I was going to wait till I was 17 to tell her. But know she knows and nobody else, and I plan on coming out when I’m 16 or 17. So, a few words of advice would be, wait until you’re ready, I mean absolutely ready, and start with close friends or cousins or aunts and uncles, and finish with your immediate family. My family, including myself, are all very conservative, but perfectly fine with gay people, accept for my dad. He’s not so okay with gay people I don’t think. He is set on the idea that marriage is a man and woman and people were put on this earth for the purpose of reproduction. But when you come out, people may not be so supportive at first, but they will come around. But usually for the most part, people are okay with it. This is 2013 for crying out loud! And here’s a few more things: you can be a father, and a great one with a partner. To avoid your kids being bullied at school, live in an accepting place like Seattle, San Francisco, Portland, places like that. Also, you are who you are and you need to learn to love yourself. Don’t worry about anything other people think. Here’s a few quotes:
I’m the one that’s got to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to. - Jimi Hendrix
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Peter 4:8 (you can use this one if someone says its a sin to be gay)
And that brings me to this. Being gay is not a sin. I don’t care if you know the bible cover to cover. It’s not a sin. Why would god create something he condemns? He doesn’t condemn gays. And also, I hate the term gays or gay because I feel like I’m being put in a package with a big white label. I prefer the term human. I am human, you are human. We all are human and we all need love. I want someone who is kind, smart, funny, honest, adventurous, sarcastic, outgoing, and extroverted. I can fin a woman like that and a man like that. The only difference is the plumbing. I prefer the plug to the outlet. The p to the v. But so what. We are all people.
That’s all. I love you! I don’t know who you are that’s reading this but I love you and someone out there thinks you’re perfect. You may not feel perfect, and others may point out and only see your flaws, but somebody out there thinks you’re perfect. You’ve just got to find that person. If you want some guidance or have questions just email me. I check my email every day.
Adios Amigos! (I’m not Spanish or Mexican. I’m Irish, German, and Czech. And American haha.)
- Ryan - firstname.lastname@example.org
To start at the beginning…
So, to start at the beginning I will say I’m a 24 year old lesbian. I’m proud of it and not at all ashamed. I will say it took me until I was 23 to accept this about myself and that made my growing up and high school hard. I’m the daughter of a baptist mom and a Persian father. I was never really raised with a religion I kind of made up my own mind about that.
I’m a gay man. Who is very much in the Closet
I am a gay 20+ year old guy. And I’ve always known I liked boys from the age of 10 or 12. I’ve done some things kids tend to do when they are little with there brothers but noting to where it would rise any Suspicion, unless I come out. I’ve always had this attraction towards attractive guys through out middle school and into all 4 years in HS. I never once made an Indication that I was gay to anyone. Not family, friends or strangers. Several years in college and still am, I’ve noticed that I’m not in a rush to come out. I don’t have that support nest that others may have if something should happen. Their is only one person on this planet that consciously I’ve told who I really am. But not face to face. Through emails. I’m proud I made this very small step in what will one day be a larger one in sometime. I’m sad that I have to pretend to pactically everyone that I’m not who they think I am. I wish I could just be free of this weight off my shoulders. This is a story that I will continue to tell and one day wright s novel of my life for all to read. Take care. Love you all. :)
It took me a long time to admit to myself that I was a lesbian. I would go back and forth between women and men until I accepted that i was a lesbian. I then came out to my three closest friends (who are sisters) and one didn’t care at all and is supportive. One thinks there is no way I can be a lesbian because I have never been with a guy (I should ask her if she had to sleep with a girl to know she is straight >..
So my coming out has been an incredibly long and painful process. I told a few of my good friends first and they were totally okay with it. In fact, one of my friends admitted to me when I came out, that she is a lesbian too. Needless to say, we became very close. We started to date. And eventually we had our first kiss. I was hers, and she was mine. It was at that point that I knew 100% that I was a lesbian and that I needed to tell my family. I told my mom first because we are best friends practically. She told me she had known for some time. And she even knew that my friend and I were dating. Which is weird, because my mom would let my gf and I sleep in the same bedroom. We shared my queen sized bed. We never did anything inappropriate. But I find my moms trust in me to be amazingly high. Anyways, I made my mom promise not to tell a soul. But she did. My step dad found out and so did close family friends that I considered family. That made me a little angry. However I was kind of glad that I didn’t have to tell them now. Anyways, the only people I need to tell are my grandparents and my sisters. Everyone has been accepting so far. I know my grandparents will still love me. But its my sisters oddly enough…I’m 19 and they’re both 14. And the other sister is 10. I don’t know why I am so afraid. My sisters aren’t very nice, and will use anything they can to humiliate you. I worry that they won’t take this seriously, and that they will harass me. Which I can’t handle. They like to blurt out private things about other people . And if they start to tell my secret…well I fear that it will push me over the edge. Anyone have advice?
Hey everyone. I’m LJ, 21, Irish, cisgendered female. I’m pansexual, but I often just say bisexual because it requires less explanation. Since I identified as bisexual for many years before I’d even heard the word pansexual, I’ll stick to using “bi” in my story. This is the story of how I came out to myself and my friends - and of how I actively didn’t come out to my mother. You’ll see what I mean in a bit. I’ll do my very best not to ramble but I’m afraid this post might run rather long. Before I begin I’d like to say that nothing in my story comes close to the hardship and suffering some other people have gone through. I’ve been very lucky and things have been very easy for me so far on the whole.
Need someone to listen
8 years ago when I had my coming out only my best girlfriend has shown that she understands me. All the others friends were reluctant and they hardly knew me. Over the years, I looked for other friends, but only a part was better. I learned how mean people can be, and so I wanted to hide sometimes and not see anyone. Only a sports friend, who was not gay, encouraged me 6 years ago, to stand up for myself and he showed himself demonstratively with me in public, as if he would say, look, he is completely harmless and normal. His civil courage was stronger than my heart. Today I am grateful for what he has done for me. I can finally live freely. That’s why I encourage everyone never to be discouraged. I was reminded of my inner struggles, as I recently saw the sad movie about Bobby Griffith, who committed suicide in 1983 at the age of 20 because after his coming out his mother broke his heart and he had no chance for reconciliation. A sad, heartbreaking true story, which deals with the stubbornness and ignorance of society. The titlesong of the movie says so much about the desire for love and understanding because everybody need someone to listen and someone to answer…
Okay so um hi, i’m Brandon. I’m 15 and i’m pretty sure i’m gay. I’ve already told my closest friends and have sworn them to secrecy cuz i’m not ready to publicly come out just yet. I wanna tell my parents before i ever do that. And i’ve been having mixed feelings about telling my parents. Am i rushing? I’ve told my friends why not my parents?? Thoughts like these are reasons why i’m up a 5:27a.m reading coming out stories…Anyways, so my parents are super homophobic. My mom is homophobic cuz she’s one of those christians who are down with homosexuality just cuz God destroyed a town full of gay people (remember the bible never said homosexuality was wrong they just kinda implied it by destroying a town full of gay people). And even though her own brother is gay she’s not even okay with it. She loves her brother it’s not like she cut him off or anything, but she’s just not into his gayness like that. And she was raised by very homophobic parents(my grandparents) because when my uncle came out to them they sent to a performing arts school in another town for his senior year to “craft his skill at theatre” but in reality that was their was of legally kicking out their 17 year old gay son. And my dad, oh my god my dad. He’s a lot less homophobic now then he was when he was younger like in college and stuff. And if that’s the case i would’ve never wanted to know him then cuz he’s super homophobic now. For example, i remember over hearing a conversation he was having with a friend when he didn’t think i was listening (when parents have conversations i am always listening) and he was like “Yeah you remember [old football teammate]? Yeah man i heard a rumor back then that he fooled around with a dude and i couldn’t even look him in the eye anymore.” Yeah, that bad. And he doesn’t cease to make a negative comment when he sees like a gay couple on t.v or something. I think my uncle already suspects a little, he has a pretty good gaydar i think. My 11 year old sister straight up confronted me like “Do you like boys or do you like girls?” and i’m just freaking blown out the water because i think it’s rude to just flat out ask someone that so i was like “I like girls. Get out of my presence.” Granted i was lying my ass off but i was shocked an 11 year old girl had the balls to do that. I’ve made it a personal vendetta that when i come out to my family she’s the last to know…Anyways, so yeah telling either of my parents i just feel like just plain not accepting would be fine because they seem like the type of parents that would probably be ashamed of me or something. That’s probably me being paranoid but from what i’ve told you, and that’s just a little bit of their homophobic ways, it just seems more realistic for them to react negatively. And i’m a sophomore in high school so if i tell them that’s two years i have to live with them until i leave for New York for college(i plan on leaving my hometown for good) if they don’t accept me for who i am and that’s just really awkward. So advice, tell them? Wait it out until i’m out of the house maybe? Stay in the closet forever?….
If you have any advice or if there is/was any of you in my same predicament i don’t check my e-mail so here’s my tumblr ask:
Okay that’s all. I feel like i just poured my heart out to no one and it felt great.
I’m a 22 gay guy I haven’t came out yet !! I live in a relgouse and very closeminded country. I’m so scard of telling my story to my parents and even my friends! By the way I lived in US and Canada for a little while which was so great experience for me !! i was about to come out while i was living there but i moved back to my country due to some reasons! I really need your help guys im so stressed our and sepressed thesedays i refuze to go out with my friends because im so upset and can’t handle the fact that i’m gay and how will it impact my relationships with family and friends!!
Coming Out and the Need for Advice
I am fourteen-years old and I am gay. I recently had learned about the definition of ‘genderfluid’ – “Gender Fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is Gender Fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days.” I am in the stage of questioning if I am this, as some days I feel more like a boy than others where I am more girl. Though these thoughts are seldom, as they are not much of an importance right now as events have transpired in my life that have caused a lot of problems.
Before I had accepted I was just gay and not bisexual, I had come out to only my mother as going both ways for men and women. I, at the time, was oblivious to what this would lead too, and even though my mom loved me as much as she did before she knew, my life changed. I had come out to my friends, and I was rather shaky on figuring out if I was bisexual or gay. I sometimes wish I could take the words back and had waited till I was sure of my sexuality. Of course, I can’t do that, and knowing this has caused much pain on my part. Though as time moved on, and the subject was just another conversation left in the dust, there were vague whispers of “who are you?” going off in my mind. I felt like I had been stripped of my identity, and I struggled to find myself again. This has only happened in a course of months, but yet even small things can change your fate in life.
I finally embraced the fact I was gay on recently, and had accepted I liked my best friend who was bisexual. As a result I felt lighter on my shoulders. Though pain still lingers inside my heart, and it still remains even as I began dating the girl I liked.
As of late, I have been getting a vibe off my mother that she isn’t fully accepting the fact I am gay. Now, I am not oblivious to the awkwardness and the dashed dreams she’s had of me marrying a guy and having grandchildren. I know it is hard for her, and I may not be experiencing this from her perspective, but I have an understanding of her emotions. The only thing is, she still does not understand how hard it is on me now that I know I am gay and how my life will be. I know she’s scared for my safety, and I accept the fact there will be discrimination because of who I am, but I need her support. The lack on her part has been saddening, and has resulted in me falling into a depression. I know I should be lucky knowing that my mother still loves me despite my sexuality as it could be worse, but it does not null the pain. When I talked to her about this, she told me that yes she will be embarrassed to have her own daughter kissing another woman or holding hands, and when I confronted her about taking my girlfriend on a date, she was reluctant. I have come to an understanding that it will take time for her to adjust, but what I am trying to get to is how am I going to handle the time in between her adjusting. I can’t exactly elaborate on the advice I need from people who can relate, but I just need to know that it will be alright or someone has had the same experience.
For my conclusion, I would like thank anyone who has read this. Any advice I can give out to others about the topic of their sexuality, here is my words to you: be true to yourself. I wasn’t, despite what I said in the text. It took me two years just to accept I was gay, and others it takes longer. As a result from not being open to whom I am, I had suicidal thoughts and if it weren’t for my friend’s or my lover, I wouldn’t be here right now typing this. Also, be sure of your sexuality before you come out. I had learned this the hard way, as after I told my mother I was bisexual, only a few short months later did I admit I was gay. This has caused much confusion for her and unanswered questions, among other things that I do not want to say on the internet. I really would love to know if this story has made any differences for anyone out there, so ‘like’ this if it has. Thank you for reading.
If you would like to offer any advice or feedback on this story, please email me with: email@example.com Also if you have questions, I will hopefully get back to you.
hello, my name is hayley (markruffanope.tumblr.com), i’ll be seventeen on november 19th and i’m bisexual.
i’m a junior in high school now, but two years ago when i was a freshman, i started to question my sexuality and never stopped until recently. two years.
i was fairly active in the gay community, as much as i could be, as an outsider. i was in my school’s gay/straight alliance, for a long time being the only one there who identified as straight. i joined because i felt compassion towards other people and as we all know, these issues just kept becoming more and more present and i felt compelled to make that connection. but anyway.
most of my important comings-out happened in one day.
yesterday, at my gay-straight alliance meeting, i finally decided. this was it. i was coming out. before, i’d felt a lot of physical pain because i was so aware of who i was and what i was and keeping it in was making it worse.
so i took a huge leap of faith, and thankfully they all embraced me with the love and kindness and acceptance i needed. actually what struck me is i said i needed to hold someone’s hand because it made it easier for me and three or four people immediately volunteered.
then i came out on here in a “read more” post. no one really responded, which surprised me, except for my best friend who also has a tumblr. she was so accepting and proud of me and she recognized how difficult it was for me to do this.
i had agonized over that, because, stupidly, i thought i’d scare her off with that. but we’ve known each other for three years now and we’ve been through a lot, all the horrible phases and everything and i didn’t want her to feel like i had a crush on her, because i didn’t. i mean, she was never a homophobe. one of our mutual friends had come out publicly a few months ago and she was so supportive of him and their friendship grew stronger based on that, i think and she indirectly made me feel better.
next was probably the hardest, my mom. my stomach was in such knots. i think it was one of the things that i had felt the worst over, physically. i knew that i had to do it sooner rather than later because not telling meant she might find out the ugly way, which was a whole different issue entirely.
my mom and i attend the same church, a united church of christ, which is historically the most accepting of the lgbtq community. we’d discussed the issue again and again and she had always said she was fine with the lifestyle, but did not wish that on her children due to the stigma and the animosity that is still present.
i understood that and could appreciate that, but it wasnt what i needed.
last night, i had planned to wait until this morning to tell her. didnt happen. i was too sick. so i went and we sat down in the living room and i told her and i was sobbing and i was blubbering and it did not go as i’d expected.
she basically said “you shouldn’t rush into anything weird, because you’ve been through too much”. my life in the past two years has been constant one-thing-after-another. but the whole point of overcoming struggles is to overcome them and move on, which i’d felt i was well on my way of doing.
she did say, though, that nothing would change, that she would always love me, which is what i needed, as you can imagine. and i shouldn’t have idealized my coming out, since a lot of people face so much rejection and hurt and pain and intolerance from the people they love, but i am grateful for my mother and for my friends and for the wonderful community i’m in.
so that’s it. if anyone would like to talk to me, i’m always on here and i love talking to people and giving advice, or just being there when you need someone <3