How My Dad Came Out
It was at Thanksgiving and everything. Just me, my sister, and my dad.
Dad: So, since it’s sort of tradition to confess things over Thanksgiving dinner, I think I ought to let everyone know that I’m…uh, bisexual.
Me: Cool.
Little sister: What’s that?
Dad: It means I like girls and boys.
Little sister: Oh.
(my sister and I keep eating)
Dad: …and everyone’s alright with that?
Everyone: …yeah…
Dad: Oh. Okay, good. (sits down, then stands up again) At least act surprised, come on! I’m fifty, I’ve been sitting on this shit since I was sixteen!
Little sister: (confused) But you’ve always said you wanted to marry David Bowie!
Dad: Well, I thought you assumed I was kidding when I said things like that.
Me: Nobody is kidding when they say things like that about David Bowie.
[anon submission]
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