When I Came Out...

I first came out to my mum when I was 14. At this point, I was in a state of complete confusion; I was certain I liked men but thought I may be bisexual or at least didn’t rule out women. Although this confusion persisted for a couple of years, I still think it was almost an excuse so as not to accept that I was gay. I have now come to terms with my sexuality, and if I have to classify myself, I would say I am almost certainly Gay.

Anyway back to the story. When I told my mum, she gave me a book detailing how homosexuality is a natural phase some heterosexual men and women went through during puberty. Now I’m no expert, but in my case at least this wasn’t true at all, if anything my attraction towards men increased with time. In hindsight it really wasn’t the best thing to have read at the time as it only made matters worse and more confusing. After this day, we never mentioned it again; it was almost like we hadn’t even had the conversation in the first place. This bugged me a little, because it would mean that I would have to have a “second coming out”.

After finally coming to terms with who I was, I made a promise to myself on my birthday that it would be the last birthday in which my sexuality was concealed. Consequently less than a month later, as I was walking my dog, I thought things through and decided it was time to come out. I went upstairs with the book my mum originally gave me, and said “Mum, remember this book you gave me, it wasn’t a phase, I’m… Gay.” At which point I began crying like a baby in distress. She knelt forward from her chair, embraced me and comforted me with the words every gay person wants to hear when they come out “it’s okay, I still love you as much as I did 5 minutes ago when you hadn’t told me”.  It was great, I thought, but it wasn’t to be that easy.

Later on that week my mum began questioning my sexuality saying it wasn’t in my character to be gay. I responded saying I was sure of whom I was, and that she just had to come to terms with it, because I wasn’t going to change. My mum took it upon herself to tell my dad, who to this day has never talked to me about it. It has been two months since I came out and my mum still treats me the same as before, she no longer questions who I am, but every time the topic of relationships comes up, she always hints at that she has a glimmer of hope that one day I will marry a woman. It gets to me sometimes, but I took 4 years to come to terms with it, so I understand my parents will also take a while. I know this has been very long and I congratulate anyone who read it all. I hope it helped or it made for a good read!  

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