When I Came Out...

This might be a bit of a weird coming out story, because it is about me coming out to God and hir’s reaction. (I am pretty strict on the don’t-create-yourself-an-image-of-God rule with myself and assigning a gender seems to be a pretty strong making-of-an-image to me, so you’ll have to deal with invented pronouns. My apologies if that makes it harder to read.)

I mean, it is weird because usually coming out stories are stories about coming out to humans and also because God of course knew about my sexuality way before me because well, sie made me the way I am. But it still was an extremely important step for me to mention it in a prayer for the first time. I chose my local church as a place for that. Well, the thing is, I did not really get an answer at that time, or at least none that I would have recognized as such.

I got the answer a couple of years later, or, more correctly, yesterday. I had been unsure about God’s stance on my sexuality for a while - I know that God does not “hate gays” because that would be stupid because sie created us as we are. But I was never completely sure what sie wanted us to do about it, and if sie approved of my relationships.Until yesterday.

In my church (in the same church building/the same congrgation’s house that I came out to hir in), a member of the congregation will read a passage from the Bible before the sermon. Last Sunday, that was me, and the same day I lost the necklace that my current girlfriend had given me for Christmas. I had worn it under my shirt because of various reasons, and it seems that the clasp opened and it slipped out from under my clothes and onto the ground. I searched for it on the streets (I had been using my bicycle to get to church and back so it was likely that it had slipped out on the way) and in my room and the whole house and told my whole family to watch out if they could find it.

And then, yesterday, I finally got the chance to search the church.

I entered the room and because it was already pitch black outside turned on the lights. And then I just walked down the aisle, looking left and right… and there it was. Right at the end of the aisle, before the altar. In the place where the spot where the line between the Trinity sign and the cross and the line between the sign of the Eucharist and the Christmas tree meet. And I just suddenly knew. God had probably answered to what I had told hir ages ago before, but because I still worried, sie had chosen to answer more clearly. And sie had told me that I don’t need to hide my relationship from hir. That the necklace, which currently together with a scarf that my girlfriend made for me is my personal sign of “the person that I romantically belong to, that I would love to marry and raise children with until death do us part” is a-okay before God and that sie WANTS me to show it to hir. That sie supports this relationship and wants me to know that sie supports it. 

It was an incredibly freeing and amazing experience. To know so very certainly that I have God’s support, that sie goes pretty much out of hir way to show me that.

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