When I Came Out...

My (first) coming out was kind of funny, I guess.

I was about to start 9th grade and I was at the beach with some friends of mine. They were talking about boys and asked me, “so, how many people have you ever kissed?” and I replied, “Do girls count?” 

They were all a little shocked but were always cool about it.

It still took me a while to come out to my parents though. I care a lot about them and I am always kind of scared of what they think.

So, one year after, I left a note on their bed saying “Things are not always as they look like. I can’t take it anymore.”

My dad came to my bedroom and asked what I was talking about. I told him that in the previous two years I had had two girlfriends. 

They told me I was “being gay” because it made me look “cool”, “different”. They were always pro-LGBT, but apparently I can’t be gay.

My dad didn’t even look at me. He was playing some game on his mobile phone for the whole time. My mum even said that it wasn’t possible for me to be sexually attracted by girls because I was too young.

They made me confused about everything I was certain about, and it didn’t feel good. At all. I’m still questioning. 

It’s been five months and we still don’t talk about it. My dad still asks me about boyfriends. I would love to tell him about the beautiful girl I met, and that she makes me happy and I may be in love with her, but I’m just too scared.

Thanks God for friends.

Azzurra.