When I Came Out...

December 1, 2011-

I made my dad watch  lesbian coming out scenes from a tv show .(I’m not good with words and talking about my feelings with them) I cried through the whole thing because I’m happy that I’m actually doing this, at the same time scared of what my dad would say. He turned out to be okay with it but he said talking to my mom about this wouldnt be easy. The next day, when my parents got home my mom asked me to come to the drug store with them, it was weird ‘cause why would she ask me to come with if she’s already with my dad. I already had the feeling that she might confront me about my sexuality/coming out and she was teary eyed.

Just as I thought, she pulled over, got out and went in to Mcdonald’s. She bought be food then they watched me eat, it was so awkward.

She said what I’m feeling is just what some teenagers go through ‘cause they’re still young etc. I tried to tell her that NO this isn’t a phase this wasnt my choice. Then she said stuff about sin and bible (yes, catholic) I told her she reads to much into the bible word by word that she forgets about what God’s real message is. (You know a few weeks ago she got mad at my dad because he wouldn’t let her open his mail. I think it was from an insurance company or something. So she asked me to GOOGLE whether or not couples are allowed open each others mail then she said to also search if its in the bible. I love God and all but it was ridic) Love is not a sin. Making rude remarks to gay people that you see around you that you don’t even know is wrong. She does that sometimes especially if she sees feminine gay men.

I actually told her ‘I’m the same person I was 10 minutes ago’

She continued telling me to still try to change, she accepts me and if she didn’t she wouldn’t take time to talk to me right now. I was shaking my head and she told me that I AM CLOSE MINDED. Me. I am the closeminded one. smh. “youre just influenced by some people around you and the things you watch on tv/movies” (<Before she said that, I wanted to tell her that the reason I was up at 8am in the morning yesterday is to watch this tv show’s livestream because this show is about accepting, embracing who you are and it has a lesbian storyline that I can really relate to and even if its is kind of crappy this season its still special to me. It gave me courage to come out to them, my sexuality is not who I am, its a part of who I am and i want to embrace it and share it with them)

She said its not easy for a mother to find out that one of her daughters is gay, she just want the best for her kids and someday I’d want to settle down and have kids. My parents said I should do my best to get good grades( i’m 18) so I can have a good life despite the discrimination in our society/country. I dont know what to say to my mom anymore. Realizing that this wasn’t easy not just for me but for my parents also, I said okay mom I understand and said to my self, someday she’ll come around. I love my mom, she’s usually sweet but when it comes to this kind of stuff she insist on what she ‘believes’ in.

I’m a crier so I cried through the whole confrontation/coming out, it was 10 in the evening and we we’re in a freaking fast food restaurant. will never forget that day XD. I feel relieved but not completely. NGL, I’m stubborn and lazy most of the time and i’m afraid one day they blame my ‘abnormality’ (yes, she said being a lesbian was not normal :-/ ) for it so I guess I have to change that and work hard.

-emcbrittana.tumblr.com