Hey, my name’s Joseph. I’m 20, and I’ve known i liked guys at last as much as girls, maybe more, since I was around twelve years old, or even before. I fooled around with a friend more than once, but he made it clear he was straight. I finally got the courage to admit that I was bi, or maybe gay, to myself when I was a junior in high school, and I came out in text to an openly gay friend of mine. He was supportive, but I entered a deep depression, during which I contemplated my own damnation, as per my religious expectations. Me and most of my family have always been religious, which made coming out particularly difficult. As of now, I’ve still never ‘been with’ either gender beyond the youthful experimentations between 12-15, again, as per my religious standards, but I came out to a long-time, childhood friend while at a religious university who, like me, came from a religious family and was a lesbian. She was also really supportive, and even tried to hook me up with a guy she knew, but I got scared and started avoiding her.
I guess this isn’t much of a coming out story, more a sad monologue of impotence and timidity, but there you have it. I’m hoping to make it to a coming out group meeting for the first time in a week, so maybe I’ll have more news for you then.
Closets are Scary, I won’t Come Out, I’ll Be Out
By: Jimmy Twosticks
Regarding bisexuality my 29th birthday was special. I found myself in Amsterdam near the Museum Square Hotel Amsterdam kissing a Dutch man who insisted that it was okay to let his girlfriend join us. I could only understand the “its Ok…its Ok” rant. But we were far beyond needing validation, after the bathing suit fashion show we’d initiated.
Something different was happening on this trip as I hop-scotched across the EU and Africa to close out my 20’s. Some unique confidence kicked in. I write unique, because I was somewhat confident about who I thought I was previously, but I didn’t feel as though I could Be Out. After I asked a taxi driver to take me from Schiphol Airport straight to Thermos Day (a popular bath house & spa), I expected a weird look, at least, right!? Clearly I’d never been to Amsterdam before. The lack of push back I got for asking to go to a gayest area, and how the driver gave me an engineers tour of how the city grew and engineered its water levels away via bridges and canals, was as if I didn’t tell this drive that I was disgusting and from middle-America.
So I stopped being embarrassed. Aaaah Euro trips…LOL. It made me feel activist while considering how I’d be treating on the South Side of Chicago if I asked for a taxi ride to Boystown or Steamworks. All of this made me reflect on the time my younger cousin by ~6 years Came Out to our family after years of being teased for being obviously Gay. Even as we all knew, the moniker of Gay consumed his identify. My life was different because of the women I dated, but I always gauged my cousin to understand how I’d be received. After all, to be Bi is to be Gay. We carry all the colors of the rainbow.
From this reflection, I thought about how silly it would be to seek acceptance from people for the way I like to have sex. I’ve never had a heterosexual family member approach me to say, “I like it missionary!” So I arrived at the conclusion that I didn’t need to say, “I also like it missionary”, with this cute Dutch woman’s cute boyfriend. I didn’t (and don’t) want to be some label other than the Jimmy. Knowing that reads ignorant and hopeful, I decided to engage each person in my circle as an individual and if we ever talked about sexual encounters, I’d respond about my orientation when the time was relevant.
At 32 now, I find my core objective to just live a productive life Out of the Closet, but I should never be having a conversation about travel and interrupt to say “you know I’m Gay, right?”. When I volunteered for NYC Pride in 2013, I made no announcements but it provoked more conversation on my social media with long-time friends and family that I don’t communicate with frequently. While I’m not sure I understand the word normal, I’ve been able to be comfortable having conversations about my orientation by just Being Out and avoiding the show of stereotypes (both positive and negative) via Coming Out.
My biological father (Jimmy Onestick) sent me a text message about Magic Johnson’s son after we were talking about Michael Jordan’s hall-of-fame speech. Naturally I thought Magic’s son played ball, because of the reference. My father wrote “he plays ball but not that type of ball”. So I Googled him… He is gay and Magic/Cookie are supportive. I wrote the old man, who I am not very close with, a text to say: “me too”. He responded “I guess that is working out for you”, and so it is. He is the first to like my Facebook articles about LGBT issues. I think we influence more when we are able to be ourselves. Closets are Scary, but I won’t come out, I’ll #BeOut
#BeOut is a campaign touting that sexuality is a range and for LGBTQ community to be unafraid of getting comfortable in their own skin and environment.
When I came out as bi, I first came out to my best friend, Julia, because i was most nervous about telling her (Idk why, she is the most understanding person in the world). I was really stressed out when I told her, but after she gave me a hug and said she’d accept me for whoever I was, I felt safer because I had at least 1 person on my team.
Anyway, I was in a mall with Julia and my other close friend Sarah, and we were looking around in some clothing store when Julia asked me, “Have you told Sarah yet?” I thought about it, and whispered back, “No. Maybe I should do that.”
This time I was determined to just say it, instead of getting worked up about the reaction. I turned to Sarah (in the middle of the store) and said loudly: “HEY SARAH!”
She had the most bizarre reaction. She threw her hands in the air and yelled “AWW YEAH!!” She gave me two high fives and then said “Whenever someone comes out to me I feel like my faith in the world is restored a little bit.”
People were giving us strange looks in the store so we bolted out of there, and I still laugh just thinking about this.
Anonymous asked: I wish to take back the story I sent you. Please do not publish it!!
Hmm, sorry to hear it. You’re going to have to be more specific than that though. Either link me to the post or describe some unique detail about the story and I’ll be sure it doesn’t go public.
Since I was about 9, I think I’ve known that I’m bisexual. I always knew I liked boys and that I was supposed to, but I will always remember the first day I started noticing girls. I was folding laundry for my mom while watching tv when this gorgeous girl came on. I don’t remember who it was or what show, but I remember being completely memorized by her and confused because I had only felt that way about boys. I spent the rest of that day looking around at all girls and seeing if it happened again, which it did. For a while I thought that maybe I was secretly a boy and that god must have made a mistake, but my feelings for boys never went away. After that day, I always noticed these kinds of things, but pushed them away because I knew that girls were not supposed to like girls. After that I never really brought it up to myself until my boyfriend freshmen year came out to me as bisexual. It scared me because he was so sure of himself and his sexuality. I talked to my mom about it and she was extremely negative about it, coaxing me to break up with him because bisexual people cannot be faithful and I can never trust if any of his friends are just friends. This pushed me even further into the closet and I broke up with him. 2 weeks now after my 18th birthday, I finally came out to myself as a bisexual. Through all the years I had convinced myself that I was straight and that it was just a phase, but once I told myself the truth, I felt an overwhelming relief. Coincidentally, outside of myself, the person I first came out to was the same boy I broke up with because he came out to me. Thankfully, he was a lot more supportive to me than I was to him. Now, I plan to come out to my family before I leave for college and hope that they’ll accept me.
Self induced awkwardness :p
It’s been a while,but i feel like sharing this story.
(I’m 16 now,and i was 15 back then)
I was at a friend’s place and we were talking about random stuff.
Eventually we somehow talked about crushes,and i said that i liked someone who doesn’t like me anyway.
He asked why not,but i didn’t want to tell but he kept bugging me and eventually i just said it(after he said something about him and a guy which is private).
And he was fine with it ^.^,and except a few lame jokes he doesn’t really care.
so yeah..nothing fancy,but i felt great after.
I came out last night
Me: There’s something I need to tell you.
Me: It’s been on my mind for a very long time, and well….
Me: …you know how I use the identifier queer? It’s because I feel queer when it comes to both my sexuality and my gender.
Boyfriend: So you’re genderqueer?
Boyfriend: I still love you and this changes nothing between us.
For once in my life, everything in my head was perfect. I’m so happy I finally got this burden off my chest. I’ve known for about two years now, and while I’ve been open about my sexuality, I’ve been hiding my gender confusion for a very long time. I feel this gives me the freedom to finally express my gender however I please, and not be stuck as a stereotypical femme.
Ready to open the closet doors
I’m Claire; 18, about to go to university, and living in the UK. Yes, I know, this isn’t a coming out story. But I feel like I might want to come out soon… maybe. Perhaps. Right now, though, I’m having difficulty figuring out how I go about it and my head will not qUIT TELLING ME TO ~ORGANISE~ IT, like it’s some cheesy surprise party or something.
Actually that’d be a pretty fucking rad way to come out.
Came Out Last Night
I just turned 14 yrs old. I have always been in touch with my manly side. My friends always thought I wanted to be a dude, and I guess that is somewhat true. I never really considered myself as gay in any way, but last year I met one of my best friends, Allison, who helped me out a lot. I told her one time I had 3 secrets, and 2 of them I was okay telling her, but the third I was really nervous over. So I sat there texting her until I felt really comfortable and I just came out and said it. And she said she had been able to tell the whole time due to her ‘gaydar’ and that she was also. She said not many people knew, but since I trusted her enough to tell her, she would trust me enough for me to know. Well, I did crush on Allison, it’s hard not to when you trust someone that much. I’ve known I’m half gay for 2 years now. Last night Allison and I were talking and I told her I was tired of hiding who I was, so I sent out a mass text to about 10 of my friends and told them. I told them they should spread it, I wanted them to spread it. There are 2 weeks left of middle school and if I get harrassed, whatever. I won’t know any of these people besides my friends next year because I will be going to a completely different school. If I get beat up, at least it is because I am myself. So thanks, Allison. I’m looking forward to Tuesday.
My coming out
My coming out has had its easy moments and its hard times.
Currently I am out to all of my friends, a cousin, and some coworkers. I haven’t had anyone treat me any different after telling them.
So I’ve figured out in the past year or so that I like girls, and I’m not sure if I like guys or not. But I’ve been coming out as bisexual to my friends, explaining just that to them, and people are very accepting of me! This one girl, though, I thought was my friend. So I told her, and then she told everyone that I was bi, even people that don’t know me. I mean, I didn’t mind because I’m proud of who I am but I just thought that was an odd thing to do. Well, apparently, one of my friends told me that she these girls were talking about how much of a “weird, disgusting lesbian” I am. And my friend stuck up for me, and then texted me about it on the bus while we were hanging out with people on the bus. I started laughing at how ridiculous the story was, and she asked me, “well are you?” and I said, out loud, “yeah, I’m actually bi.” and this one guy said, “THAT’S FUCKING AWESOME” and this other guy was like “yeah, that’s cool good for you” and we were all laughing hysterically and everyone was being so accepting! It made me really happy, so I decided to come out to my mom when I got home, telling her the story. At first, she said, “you’re to young to know. and you better not be doing this to get attention.” I explained to her that i was sure that I like girls, but I wasn’t sure if I was bi or lesbian or pan, and explained that the reason so many people are coming out earlier is because they’re less ashamed of being who they are. She thought I was trying to be “trendy” but then I explained to her the reality. Then she said, “well, at least you won’t ever get knocked up at some party!” I was a little offended by that, that she thought I would ever do that, but I still laughed and said, “well, yeah, thank god I don’t think I’ll ever get pregnant! I wouldn’t want to go through THAT!” I’m still not sure if I am bi, or lesbian, or pan, but I know that I’ve been crushing on girls for the past couple of years, and that I have such a big crush on this girl that I can’t deny it to myself or anyone else anymore. I am only 15, so maybe I need to just wait and find out if I like dudes before I label myself. So I am sort of just safe under the title of “bisexual” even though I have a feeling I am lesbian. But I just want to thank people like you, on this blog, who support LGBT people. You guys rock, I love these posts too! <3
Obviously I’m less interesting than Dumbledore
So I’m bi, and last week I came out to the second person ever (other than the internet, hello internet). Apparently she was trying to stall for time or something while she was figuring out how to react, because we then proceeded to have this conversation.
B: Are you going to tell [our mutual friend] M?
Me: Not yet, she’s really homophobic. I’ll tell her when I come out to my family.
[some backstory here: I’m going to come out to my family when I’m financially independent, hopefully in about a year, because there’s no way I won’t be kicked out. Until then, I’m only coming out to a select few people who I’m sure won’t tell them.]
B: How do you know she’s homophobic?
Me: I don’t know, there are a bunch of reasons. Like, when I dressed up as Dumbledore that one time and then we had a conversation about him, and she was really homophobic about it. Other things too, I guess.
B: What does Dumbledore have to do with anything?
Me: He’s gay. You never heard?
B: No. How do you know?
So the rest of my coming out speech was basically us discussing Dumbledore’s sexuality, instead of mine.
(She was OK with it in the end, I think. We used to have this running joke about the two of us being in a relationship, which she hasn’t brought up since, so yes, things are still a little awkward. She hasn’t acted particularly weird around me other than that, though, and she was vocally accepting.)
"Oh thats it?" *talks further about some random stuff*
(Im a bi girl btw)
Today I came out to a friend of mine. I was reeeeeally nervous. I extra told her that I want to come to her house to talk with her about something…
Once I was there we went to her room and I was hum and har for about five minutes… She was guessing some random stuff “Does it has to do with you’re mother” “Are you moving?” ect. Finally I just said:
"mhh, I think I like girls-"
She:”Oh, you like girls more than boys?”
Me “No, I like them both…”
She: “oh, thats it? YOu’re bi?”
Me: “uhmm, yes..”
She:”So what? I know a few gay ppl” *talks about some random stuff*
Well, I guess I was a totally drama queen about it… I was soooo fucking nervous!! But for she it was like I had told her I have ate panckaes for lunch yesterday. Yeah, so what??-attitude
I’m really happy!
I’m a 14 year old African American Christian girl and my whole life I’ve been taught love is between a man and a woman. When I turned 10 I saw a girl kiss another girl on the cheek on tv. It was a simple friendly peck, but it was the most intriguing thing I had ever seen because the kiss was shared between 2 women. I must have replayed that in my mind a hundred times. A little while later, my cousin showed me porn for the first time and I was completely disgusted. The porn was of a man and a woman and I remember sitting there cringing and turning my head. After a while I started actually watching it and I started to feel something. My hearted beaten fast, my stomach tightened with bits of adrenaline pumping through my veins. That was the first time I ever experienced a little wetness down there. When I got home I searched for my own porn but it started off with just girls. Girls kissing, girls touching, girls seducing, anything. I watched that a lot when my mom was at work. I even taught myself how to masturbate when I was alone in my bed when I was around 11. I rubbed myself in circular motions slowly…then faster and gave myself an orgasm. I was freaking out because I didn’t know what was going on. My body took control and drove me off the edge. And the whole time I fantasied about a woman. My mom has caught me watching porn a number of 3 times to date. She even had a talk with me about it. She told me that I could talk to her if I was curious about a man, but that was never the case. I was curious about a women. I still imagine lesbian sex with another girl as well as being in a relationship with one. Kissing them and holding them close. I even go on tumblr and youtube sometimes to search for happy lesbian couples. Now I’m 14 and have 1 bisexual friend who is currently in the closet. My school isn’t really that homophobic, it’s just my friends happen to be. They’re always calling any openly lesbian girl or gay boy “fag” or “dyke” and it really pisses me off. They hate being near lesbian/bi girls because they instantly think because they are lesbian/bi, they have a crush on them. I recently found out there’s and LGBT club (all of them who are apart of it took a vow of silence one day. That’s how I found out who is actually lesbian, gay, bi, and trans.) at my school and I really want to check it out, but I know my friends found out they’d be weird about it. I really don’t know what to do. I think I like girls, and I’ve always liked guys, and I secretly hope this is not just a phase. If I told any of my friends, I don’t know how they’d react. If I told my family (who is pretty religious) they might be disappointed.